So, Mortal Instruments stuff is the least popular thing on this blog since most of my readers are more focused on TB/SVM and OUAT. Understandable since more TMI fans tend to be a little younger and because I only recently started focusing on it. However, that makes finding good fics kinda hard if I’m spotlighting one a week.
I’ve also noticed an uptick in personal strife/issues among people I follow on various platforms. So I’m gonna start this PSA Thursday maybe one Thursday a month. The blog I wrote awhile ago- You Are Not Alone -was one of the highest viewed on this blog. People don’t talk about the hard stuff, especially with people they only know on the internet. Which, in turn, makes people who have lots of internet friends feel like they can’t talk about it. Vicious cycle.
So, I’m gonna face my own demons here to maybe try to help someone. I know I’ve had people message me wondering how I do all the spotlights and everything while I have a family. I *must* be ridiculously upbeat and have tons of energy to do something every single day.
…..no. Actually for the last few months I’ve been entrenched in the worst bout of anxiety and depression I’ve had in years. I mean since before I even met Mr. Kelpie kinda years. So it’s good/bad to know I’m fooling so many people. Hell, I’m such a great actress I fool people I see everyday.
There is no shame in being depressed. There is no shame in having anxiety. There’s no shame in having any mental illness. Would you be ashamed for having the flu? Or allergies? (Which I actually have been battling as well, and they suuuuuuuuck!) I even started seeing a therapist again, something I was loathe to do but needed to be done.
When this started, I began sinking back into all those destructive behaviors I talked a bit about last time. I have to consciously remind myself to eat. A) Because I actually don’t want to and B) Because when I’m depressed my body image issues come back full force. I’m still nursing Little Miss and absolutely stopped seeing any progress at the gym. So I feel pudgy and gross. Not eating is something I know. Something I am (unfortunately) very good at. It’s very easy to slip back into it.
Thankfully I haven’t even felt the urge to self harm, but it’s there, lurking in the back of my head. I know it is. If this depression keeps spiraling, it’s only a matter of time before those thoughts begin whispering in my ear.
Y’all have probably noticed I haven’t written anything of my own in…gah no idea even how long. I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrating that it.
If this is something you’re struggling with in your own life, just remember- you’re not alone. I will talk to anyone who needs it-all you have to do is contact me through any of the innumerable sources I have listed everywhere. If there is any issue y’all want me to focus on, please let me know. If it’s not something I’m personally familiar with I will still do my best to highlight the issue with respect. There is no reason anyone in this world should feel that they have nowhere to turn and no one to listen. :)
And before anyone even says it-I’m not brave. Dragging my issues into the spotlight isn’t brave or selfless or any of the accolades laid upon me last time. This is simply me trying to help. Nothing more, nothing less. Cause I love you all. ♥
Until next time lovelies!