“I’m telling you, this is gonna be great! Here, hold my beer!”
-Famous Last Words
“How the hell did you do this?!?”
Pam glared down at her brother-her fucking brother-and Sookie. She really never wanted to see that much of Eric. Though the awesomely unobstructed view of Sookie was a pleasant consolation.
“It was all his fault!”
Eric scoffed at them and moved his hand just enough to splash icy water at his girlfriend. She shrieked in indignation and snarled adorably.
“‘Eric! I’m horny!’ I believe that’s exactly what you said. So how is this my fault?” The sarcastic imitation of Sookie, while actually extremely funny, was also extremely high pitched and annoying.
Pam rubbed her hand down her face and rolled her eyes as the two bickered back and forth. “Yo! Bitches! I didn’t ask who’s fault it was, I asked how the fuck you did it? How is this even physically possible?!”
x . x . x . x . x
“Come on! We need to spice things up!” Sookie tugged on his hand as they stumbled into their bedroom.
Eric grinned wolfishly as he tackled Sookie to the bed and pinned her from behind. She giggled drunkenly as she wiggled underneath him. “What do you propose? I think our sex life is just fine.”
“Of course you do! You just stick it in and BAM! Feels great for you!”
Eric reared back, a sour look plastered on his face as Sookie pulled herself to the opposite side of the bed. He settled back on his heels and crossed his arms over his chest, his lower lip jutting out in an adorable pout. “Fine then! What’s your brilliant idea?!”
He watched Sookie’s ass jiggle as she rooted around under the bed as she hung off the side, admiring the arch of her back as she struggled to pull herself up.
She spun around, a huge bright pink book clutched in her tiny hands, and flopped back down on her stomach. She glared up at him with a scowl on her beautiful face. “I bought this special! Come on, don’t be an asshole!”
“Ugh, fine!” He uncrossed his arms and sprawled out beside her, one of his extremely large arms thrown over her tiny body. “What exactly did you buy?”
Sookie proudly held up the book, a huge smile on her face as he read the title. ‘Cosmo Sex Tips’
x . x . x . x . x
“Oh my God! Seriously? You actually tried one of those fucktarded ‘advanced’ positions?” Pam glanced behind her, out the open bathroom door. “And I suppose the liquor store you cleaned out had nothing to do with it?”
Eric glanced at Sookie and they both broke out in a fit of giggles. Oh, hell no she’d miss this opportunity. Pam tugged her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her camera.
“Oh hush up, you lush! Here-” She unceremoniously shoved the half finished beer perched on the bathroom counter in Sookie’s hands. “-drink up!”
“Pam!” Eric glared at his sister before he turned his attention to his girlfriend. “Sookie! Don’t fucking drink it!”
“What?! Maybe I’ll wake up and not remember this shit!”
x . x . x . x . x
“I want to try this one.”
Eric raised an eyebrow, disbelief etched on his face. “Sookie. Sweetie. Seriously? You want to spice up our sex life with this?”
“Why not? It looks fun.” She pouted her lip out at her boyfriend’s obstinance.
“Yes, but it’s a glorified reverse cowgirl. We do that shit all the time.” He grabbed the book and tugged it toward him. “No, if you wanna spice it up, we’ll spice it up.”
Sookie rolled her eyes as he thumbed through the book spastically. She rested her head on her crossed arms and let her eyes drift shut, just for a minute…
Sookie jolted awake as Eric shouted in her ear. Her bleary eyes turned to the page he was displaying oh so proudly. Her eyes widened before they shot up to his, ignoring the triumphant smirk on his face.
x . x . x . x . x
“So let me get this straight.” Pam paced across the small bathroom as she tried to rub away the headache that was rapidly forming. “You drank how much?”
The duo in the bathtub paused as they thought.
“The bottle of jack that was above the fridge-”
“But that was only half full!”
Eric glared at Sookie as he continued. “-okay, we finished the bottle of Jack. Then there was part of a bottle of Jameson, the Rumchata, and a couple beers.”
Pam raised an eyebrow sardonically. “A couple? I saw the remnants of at least a 12 pack out there!”
Sookie giggled drunkenly and Eric huffed in annoyance. “Can you stop wiggling?!? You’re gonna break something!”
Pam snorted out a laugh as she took one more look at their predicament. How they’d managed to do this, she had no idea. Eric was wedged under the faucet and she could already see the raised welts on his shoulder where he’d tried to pry himself out. One of his legs was pinned under Sookie just as one of hers was pinned under him. Their…nether regions were locked together in what looked to be a painful mashing of their vital parts. And Sookie’s shoulder was wedged against the porcelain at the far end of the tub as she shifted her upper leg restlessly.
“I still don’t…I don’t understand how this happened.”
“Well, we were going at it and it was all fine…but then she slipped and nailed me in the balls.”
“I only slipped because your gargantuan feet were all mashed in my face!”
“But then when we tried to get out, I got stuck under here. And Sookie can’t shift because we’re…connected. So we can’t push back and we can’t pull either.”
Pam snorted again at the irony of his statement. “Tell me you at least got off!”
Eric glared angrily at his girlfriend again as she giggled. “Someone did. When we realized we couldn’t move, she reached down and rubbed one out!”
“Oh God, shut up! I already told you I owe you one!”
She couldn’t hold it back anymore and Pam let out a huge laugh. “Oh God Sookie! You’ve just made my day. Hell, you’ve made my year! Okay, last thing.”
She raised her phone again and began snapping pictures, much to the couple’s dismay. “Oh hush! It’s not like I want you in them. These are all of Sookie.”
Eric groaned at the leer on her face and let his head fall back against the tile. “If those end up plastered all over the internet…”
“Oh chill! These are for me and me alone. Spank Bank material indeed!”