Chapter 4: All the Better to Eat You With

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“Are you sure, Zo?” Henry asked for the three millionth time.

“Yes, Henry. I am sure,” with a huff and a hand on her hip, she turned to Killian. “Are you ready to go, Daddy? I want to get to the costume store before they run out of all the good ones!”

Killian rolled his eyes as he glanced at his daughter. Zoe was standing by the door tapping her tiny foot, hands on her narrow hips.

“Drop the attitude, lass. Otherwise this outing will not be the fun experience you are craving.”

Her blue eyes, so like his own, began watering and her bottom lip quivered as she dropped her arms. Henry rolled his eyes.

“You’re not buying this, are you Dad?”

Killian’s heart squeezed, just as it always did, hearing Henry call him ‘Dad’. It had been years and it still astonished him that he was a part of this family-that they cared for him and loved him.

“As long as the attitude is gone, I have nothing to say,” he winked over his shoulder at the boy.

“Alright. Well, have fun. Remember, Caitlyn will be here when you guys get back. We’ve got a project to work on,” Henry reminded, casually picking up some dirty clothes from their spot a foot away from the basket.

“Alright, send your mother a text to make sure she remembers as well. There’s no need to terrify the girl like last time,” Killian snorted at the grimace Henry’s face screwed into.

“Yeah. It took me forever to convince her to come back over.”

x . x . x . x . x

“Ruby! What are you doing here?” Zoe squeaked as they rounded the corner of the costume shop, nearly bowling over the she-wolf.

Killian grinned as his daughter’s face flushed, clearly amused by her embarrassment.

“Just looking around. What are you dressing up as?” Ruby kneeled down to Zoe’s level, trying to see the mass of fabric clutched in her hands.

“Uh-nothing. It’s…uh-nothing.”

Ruby’s eyes glanced to Killian, who just shook his head in amusement. With a swift yank she pulled the costume away from the little girl. Zoe shrieked and made a mad grab for it, but Ruby had already jumped up (though he was puzzled at how she managed to do it so gracefully in her exceptionally tall shoes), holding it high above her head.

“Really?!? THIS is your costume?”

Zoe’s face flamed red and she looked down at her feet, mumbling indistinctly.

“Well,” Ruby tutted, throwing a wink over to Killian. “This just won’t do.”

Zoe’s lip trembled as she tried to hold back tears. Ruby bent down, nudging her adopted niece’s head up as she whispered in her ear.

Zoe’s gasp brought Killian’s head around as the two females focused intently on him. All of a sudden he had a very bad feeling…

x . x . x . x . x

Killian hung his head as he passed the dwarves, who all did a double take as they passed. Henry snorted again, making sure to hold his phone high as the video camera rolled.

“You know, I may have to seek vengeance for this she-wolf. This is utterly barbaric.”

Zoe laughed up at her father as his face flushed yet again. “Don’t worry Daddy. We’re almost done. Beside-” she gasped out a yawn, trying to stifle it before he saw. “We still have the party at Grandma and Grandpa’s, remember?”

“Aye, love. However could  I forget?”

“Yeah Dad. Mom really needs to see the costumes you guys came up with. She’s been dying to know for weeks,” Henry tried to hold back the smirk, but was entirely unsuccessful.

“Keep it up, lad. I know where you sleep,” he lowered his voice as Zoe ran ahead with Ruby, “And I know where you keep your-illicit nightly reading, shall we call it? I’d hate to have to let your mother know about that.”

The scowl that Henry wore as they tromped down Main St was only somewhat gratifying as they kept passing people on their way to the party at his in-laws house. Regina sped by before spinning and doing a double take. She slowed her pace to walk with them, roaring with laughter claiming that she just had to see the look on Emma’s face when she saw them.

Henry gave his other mother a hug as they walked along, passing random townspeople-all of whom stopped to stare. Oh how the mighty Captain Hook had fallen. Killian blushed again, knowing that this was one adventure he’d probably be hearing about on his death bed.

They approached the Charming’s house, the outside lights glowing spectacularly in all their red tinted glory. David had outdone himself with the decorations. There were headstones and cobwebs and all other manner of ghostly terrors on the lawn. A sharp scream sounded as they walked by a hooded animatronic figure, making Zoe and Ruby shriek before scampering quickly past.

Killian approached the house, the two girls crowding in behind him. Henry shuffled around to the side, wanting to get the best possible camera angle. Regina hung back behind Henry, wanting a good seat but wanting to be out of the way.

“Okay. Now-you pick her up,” Ruby directed as she lifted Zoe and nearly tossed her into Killian’s arms. “And here’s your basket.” She hung the wicker basket over his arm as he huffed, his eyes rolling so far back in his head that he was afraid they might stick that way.

Ruby surveyed the duo before posing herself on the other side of Killian. She took a tiny step backward, and then nodded to Henry who punched the doorbell with glee.

The door swung inward and Killian saw the back of Charming’s head as he spoke to Emma and Snow whose eyes both widened comically as they caught sight of the group on the porch.

Killian’s face burned as red as the cloak slung around his shoulders as his wife burst in raucous laughter. Her father turned around and bleated another laugh as he caught sight of his son-in-law and granddaughter.

“Oh my GOD!” Snow covered her mouth, at least trying to be discreet. The growing redness on her face told him that it was a lost cause, further evidenced when her breathing burst out in a raw exhale of laughter.

“Oh God! GRANNY! Come see who’s here!” Emma shouted, clearly loving the spectacle they were making. Regina scooted inside, pausing to give a quick hug to Emma as she went.

Granny ambled over, her fuzzy blue jumpsuit making Ruby and Henry choke as they caught sight of her.

“And what are you supposed to be?”

Emma pulled the hood back and whispered in her ear and Granny’s eyes widened slightly.

“Oh, that might be the best thing I’ve seen all year. Now, excuse me. Leroy will eat all the lasagna if I’m not careful,” shaking her head, she ambled back into the house, the tail of her Sully costume wagging behind her. “Oh and Ruby? My ass is definitely NOT that big!”

Everyone laughed as Ruby carelessly tugged a pillow out from under her long flowered dress, tossing it to Snow as she laughed.

“Well-come on in then,” David stepped aside as he beckoned them in, Henry going first so he could film behind him as he walked.

Killian’s face stayed red as they walked through the party, greeting various people. His daughter was the life of the party and Ruby broke off to find Whale, leaving his small family together in a corner of the living room.

Emma pressed a sloppy kiss to Henry’s cheek as she ruffled his hair, knowing that they were in view of the girl he’d been pining after. She grinned maniacally as he huffed and swiped his arm across his cheek, clearly too grown up for such nonsense. He stalked away from them, following his grandparents to the kitchen as he scavenged for food to fill his apparently hollow leg.

Killian grabbed his wife, pulling her into his arm as he balanced Zoe on his hip. “Hey there.”

He laid a proper kiss on her, Zoe squealing the entire time as she wiggled to be set down. He obliged laughingly and she ran off after her brother.

“How the fuck did she convince you to do this?”

He flushed again as Emma’s eyes swept down his body, eyebrows raising at the bare expanse of his legs.

“It was all the she-wolf. She can be quite…forceful when she wants to be,” he scratched behind his ear, as he cut his eyes upward to Emma. Her bright smile was one that always made his insides warm when he caught sight of it-something he’d seen a lot more of in the last few years.

His eyes swept down her body, his lust rising as he finally noticed her costume. He strained to think of anything and everything horrific and disgusting, knowing that any movement of his cock would be astoundingly evident in this getup. It wasn’t working, purely because he couldn’t peel his eyes away from the cropped plaid shirt tied up under her breasts or the shorts so short the cheeks of her bottom were hanging out.

“And what are you dressed up as, lass?”

“I got a tip from Ruby that a woodsman-er, woodswoman would be a good bet. So…” she spun around, showing off for him.

He pulled her close, nuzzling into her neck and running his hand over the indecently short brown shorts barely covering her backside.

“What do you say we sneak off and have some Halloween fun of our own? Maybe a treat-you know, since I’ve been such a good sport about all this?”

Emma eyed her husband, her eyes roaming from the ruffled white top covered by the black lace up bodice. Her eyes traveled down to the fairly short skirt and his milky white legs. Thankfully Ruby had let him slip into his black Converse…she could just imagine the spectacle of Killian trying to walk around in heels. She smirked at the long dark wig braided into pigtails and he flushed, trying to evade her eyes.

“I think-” she ran her fingertip over the exposed top of his chest, nestling into the dark hair there, “that is an excellent idea, Little Red Riding Hood. After all-”

Zoe’s squeal of laughter broke them apart as she launched herself into Killian’s arms.

“Daddy! Where are you going?”

“Well, the woodswoman was trying to get me away from the Big Bad Wolf-to protect me, you see,” he smiled at his daughter as Emma scooped her out of his arms, giggling the entire way.

“I’ve got the wolf! I’ve got the wolf! Did you gobble Granny all up?”

Ruby sauntered in, casually munching on a carrot stick, her grey wig askew and lipstick smeared slightly around her mouth.

“Nah, she was a prefect wolfy angel. No gobbling of anyone except some unfortunate goldfish. Now Whale on the other hand…”

Killian and Emma’s eyes bugged out as Henry choked on the chicken wing he’d been devouring as he rounded the corner. The matching scarlet hue of their faces made Ruby smirk and Henry rapidly spun around, retreating to the kitchen once again.

“Mmmmm, my what a big tongue he has,” Ruby giggled, a tad maniacally in fact, as Whale approached her from behind.

“All the better to eat you with my dear,” he chuckled as his arm wound around her waist, pulling her back into his body.

The doctor and the wolf burst into laughter as Killian’s face turned progressively more tomato like in color as Emma’s lost its color completely.

“Hey!” Zoe’s voice broke through, turning all attention onto her. “You eat with your teeth. You lick with your tongue. Duh!”

Killian hung his head, desperately fighting the urge to run someone-perhaps someone with a medical degree-through with his sword. Although he’d probably be able to fix himself up quite nicely…

“Don’t worry about it Zoe. I’ll explain it when you’re older,” Henry popped into the room and grabbed his sister out of Emma’s arms, turning back to go join the younger crowd in the backyard. “And hey, Dad?”

Killian looked up, his face still a fairly close match to the cloak he was still wrapped in. He watched as Henry flashed the screen of his phone towards him, the picture of Killian holding Zoe in his ridiculous get up front and center on the screen.

“This is so going on Facebook!”


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