Apparently I’d fallen asleep. I opened my eyes what seemed like moments later, only to find an iPod touch blasting an ear piercing alarm from its dock. I blinked blearily and tried to figure out how to turn off the God awful blaring. When I couldn’t I just yanked it off the dock and chucked it at the wall. I smiled victoriously as it shattered on impact.
Huh, think Eric would take that as a hint?
I lay on the bed, which I grudgingly had to admit was pretty damn comfortable, for another hour as I waited for my body and mind to wake up fully. I sighed in resignation when I finally hauled my ass out of bed. I looked warily at the doors as I tried to summon up the courage to check behind Door #1.
I hesitantly twisted the knob and peeked around the edge. I let out another sigh when I saw that it was just a closet. The sigh rapidly morphed into an indignant huff as I spotted row upon row upon row of clothes. I darted forward and yanked a truly magnificent dress off of a hanger to check the tag.
Yep, my size. God damnit!
I dropped it in a heap on the floor. I looked at the rest of the garments and gave myself ten seconds to calm down. Nope, didn’t work. I began yanking shirts, dresses, skirts and whatever else I could find off their hangers and tossing everything to the growing heap on the floor.
After the hangers were all bare, I noticed the drawers. With a sigh, I pulled open the top one.
My face blushed ruby red and my rage bubbled up as I saw all the lace. And satin. And…leather??? What the fuck?!?
I ripped every single slutty undergarment out, followed by all the pants and shorts in the accompanying drawers.
Twenty minutes later, my breathing was once again under control enough to finally venture out of that God forsaken closet. My bladder chose that precise moment to remind me exactly why I went exploring in the first place and I rushed to the other door.
I didn’t even have time to gasp at the over the top opulence of the room before I was struggling with the button on my black shorts and yanking them down around my ankles.
I sat my butt on that highly polished commode and let go with a strangled sigh of relief. Thank God they hadn’t forgotten that I would have “human needs”.
With that done, I gazed around the room. My lip curled back in disgust at the sheer magnitude of arrogance of whoever had decorated this eyesore.
The sleek white tile just pissed me off. It didn’t inspire awe, as I’m sure it was meant to. No. Instead it evoked a pang of regret for whoever had to scrub all this stupid porcelain.
I sighed as I twisted the knob of the open shower. That sigh quickly morphed into a stifled shriek since I didn’t bother to wait for the water to heat. Oh well. It’s not like anything was really going my way.
I wonder if she’ll be down soon. The master said he would set an alarm for her. It’s already 4:30. I should have time to get the rest of my list done. Maybe.
I absentmindedly squeezed some shampoo into my palm as I struggled to identify the mental voice downstairs. Whoever it was, their mental voice sounded a little…stoned. Blinking back to reality as the hideously expensive shampoo ran into my eyes, I cursed internally. Seems that spending $78 on a 6 oz bottle of shampoo might make it less prone to be irritating. But no. It seems that everything Eric touches is irritating.
Assuming he’d deign to do something as common as buying his own God damned bath products. I huffed as I twisted the knob to turn off the luxuriously ridiculous shower. Even wiling away the last half hour with idle thoughts couldn’t make the hot water run out.
I couldn’t put it off anymore, although I refused to wear what Mr. High and Mighty deemed appropriate. I managed not to cringe when I tugged my clothes back on from yesterday and yanked my wet hair into ponytail.
I was surprised at just how indignant I could stomp as I descended the stairs. Following the mental rambling and the slight scent of weed, I managed to find the kitchen in time for my stomach to let out a Godzilla-sized roar.
Feed me, human!
I must be seriously cracking up if I was giving my stomach a voice.
I rounded the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.
“Who the hell are you?”
The glorified man-boy sitting at the counter lazily spun around on the bar stool to look at me. His muddy brown eyes were nearly hidden under heavy lids and the handheld video game (one of those new Wii things maybe?) pinged noisily in his hands.
“Oh hey! You’re up. My name’s James. I’m Mr. Northman’s day man. I’ve got some stuff for ya here,” he motioned to the kitchen counter which I now noticed was piled high with various bags and boxes.
“Okay. Coffee. Where is the coffee?” I may have sounded more rude than I normally would have, but given the circumstances, I do believe I had a right.
“Uh-” he pulled a wrinkled piece of paper out of his pocket. “That wasn’t on the list. Mr. Northman had me stock the kitchen with healthy foods to…” he paused and scratched his head. I dipped into his mind, but quickly pulled out due to the weird foggy haze surrounding his thoughts. So that’s what your mind soundes like when you’re high…huh.
“Aw hell, I don’t remember. But anyways it’s all healthy. There’s water in the fridge as well as food and the cabinets are stocked with cookware. The pantry is also full. Here’s some stuff to occupy your time. Here,” he held out the video game thing. “This is yours.”
I stared at him dumbfounded. No coffee? My mind was still stuck on Eric’s ‘No Coffee’ declaration. What the actual fuck?!?
“Okay, give me your keys.”
“Well, I believe I’m going to stab you repeatedly with them-” He shrunk away from my probable psychotic expression. “Then, I’m going to get in your car and drive home-where I do have coffee.”
“Uh-no. I can’t let you do that. And…uh-you can’t get out anyway. You need my fingerprint,” he paled as I smiled menacingly.
I was so over this whole fucking mess. Eric could go fuck himself. Pam could go fuck herself. James could go fuck himself with a fucking sharp-ass kitchen tool for all I cared since he neglected to bring coffee. I mean, duh! Who the hell doesn’t drink coffee when they get up?!
James began backing up toward what appeared to be a living room as I stalked toward him. He tripped over his feet and fell, although it probably didn’t hurt due to the extremely plush carpet underneath him.
I’d nearly reached him when a tingle went through my body. Frustrated, I ground my teeth and straightened up.
“Well, you’re off the hook,” he exhaled loudly, “Eric’s up.”