The Night of Infuriating Families

So I participated in The SVM/TB Fic Exchange this past September. And this was my contribution, written for the lovely Kleannhouse.


“Pamela, where is my car?”

The wind whistled in the background as his child giggled delicately. “Why, Eric! Which car might you be referring to since I’m quite sure you have more than one?”

A smart ass, that’s what she was. And her ass was going to be smart-ing if she didn’t answer him immediately and satisfactorily.

Sookie’s hand landed gently on his forearm as his foot tapped rhythmically against the concrete floor of the empty garage. His eyes cut down to her and he fought back a groan of frustration. She was laughing at him. Sookie, his lover and wife, was laughing at him.

“You know very well which car, Pamela. I asked for you to prepare-” he glanced back down to Sookie, before pacing slightly away. “-the surprise. And I am ready to leave-yet my favorite car is not where I left it. I may be ancient, but you do not have the luxury of memory loss as an excuse!”

At this, Pam’s tinkling laughter drifted through the earpiece of his phone while Sookie’s loud guffaw echoed around the room.

“What y’all laughing’ at, baby?”

If Eric’s eyebrows had shot any higher they would’ve been off his head. “Pamela! Are you with Stackhouse?!?”

Sookie’s laughter died instantly as she stared at her husband. His finger hit the screen and Pam’s voice crackled loudly. “-promised Numbnuts! Seriously, what part of ‘make one peep and I’ll happily disembowel you’ did you not understand?!?”

There was a pregnant pause before Jason answered. “Uh, the disembowling-I ain’t bowled in years and it’s not that much fun round these parts. The lanes is always fucked to hell.”

The Viking burst into raucous laughter and Sookie dropped her head in pseudo-shame. Seriously she was related to him?!?

“We will have words, Pamela.”

Sookie could practically hear Pam’s eyes rolling and she stifled another giggle. “Oh and Pam?”

“Yes, Crumbcake?”

“If you bring him back in the same condition as last time I may have to burn your Prada.”

Silence followed Sookie’s threat and Eric was sure he heard a slight growl. “You wouldn’t dare, Sookie. You may be Eric’s wife, but I’d happily disembowel you as well if you so much as lay a finger on my clothes.”

“And your McQueen.” The couple giggled (or chuckled in a manly way, in Eric’s case) at Pam’s huff of indignation.

“Oh, alright. I’ll keep this a nice, simple drive in the country. Party poopers!”

“Do not do anything you would need to glamour away. No crime, no mischief; nothing that would need to be cleaned up or annulled. Understood?” Eric’s voice was stern, but Sookie could see the twitch of his full lips as he fought back a smile.

“Whoah man! I ain’t need nothin’ done to the Misters! Surgery ain’t the answer!”

A sharp crack and a yelp sounded through the phone as Pam presumably delivered a well placed (and well deserved) smack to the back of Jason’s head. “I’ll let you have that one free Pam, but no more! Take care!”

Sookie grabbed the phone and hit the end button as Eric swiped a hand through his hair, ruffling it nicely. Sookie bit her lip and clenched her thighs.

Eric had been teasing her with this surprise for weeks and her curiosity was about to kill her. “So-wanna tell me what we’re doing?”

Eric grinned, his body visibly relaxing as he crossed the small space to gather her in his arms. “Nice try, Lover. We’ll just take a different car. Let’s go to the back garage and I’ll even let you pick.” He ran his nose over the exposed skin of her neck and let out a sound that could have passed for a purr had he not been an imposing six and a half foot Viking.

Sookie grinned as she raised herself on her toes, puckering her lips for a kiss. Eric bent, his lips lightly brushing hers as they each let out a small moan. Pulling back reluctantly, he was amused to see her still posed on her toes with her face up, relishing the small intimacy they’d shared.

He chuckled as he swept Sookie up into his arms and vamped out the side door.

The sky glittered gently above them as he slowed, strolling leisurely with his wife in his arms. The soft smell of the woods infiltrated his nose, mixed with the heady sunshine-y scent of his lover. Eric sighed into her hair and she settled back against his chest. The back garage loomed against the silhouette of the trees and as they came within range, the motion lamps clicked on.

Eric whispered sweet nothings into Sookie’s ear as they approached, but stopped in his tracks as he approached the door.

“What?” Sookie’s hooded eyes glanced up until they rested on the source of her husband’s unease.

“Wait here, Lover.” Eric set her gently on her feet and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. She rolled her eyes and gripped his hand as he turned.

As he glanced back at her, his eyebrow rose in exasperation. “You’re not going to wait, are you?”

“Ah, you know me so well. No one who meant us harm can get past the wards, so I really don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

With a soft push, Eric inched the door open and they crept inside. The low lights lit the garage, casting shadows that danced as the couple moved.

“There.” Eric followed Sookie’s finger as she pointed to the Aston Martin, his eyebrow raising as hers furrowed. He sniffed the air, puzzled at the complete lack of scent. “It sounds like…Claude?”

At that moment, the car rocked violently to the left and a bare ass slapped itself against the window. Sookie shrieked and shielded her eyes against Eric’s chest as the ancient vampire choked on…well, he couldn’t quite decide if he was laughing or growling.

The rocking stopped, as if time itself had frozen, and Eric cleared his throat necessarily. “Claude, we know it’s you. Why don’t you take your boy toy and vacate my garage, hm?”

The door clicked open and Claude huffed as he stepped out. Sookie turned to chastise him only to squeak and spin back around as she saw he’d neglected to put any clothes back on.

She felt Eric tense and heard his fangs click down in…she reached into herself to check the bond and found surprise and horror. She peeked out from his shirt and her mouth dropped open.


Her husband’s maker grinned sheepishly out of the open door, his boyish features twisted in mock remorse.  Claude was shamelessly leaning against the vintage car, his legs strategically crossed to conceal his nakedness for his prudish cousin.

“How lovely of you to interrupt what was turning into quite the lovely time. Thank you so much, Viking.”

Eric’s jaw still hadn’t closed and Sookie gently tapped his chin to bring some life back to him. His blue eyes cut down to hers as they listened to the duo in front of them bicker softly.

“How could you not bring a towel, Crane?”

Sookie’s eyebrow rose as she turned cautiously around. There, hiking up his trademark linen pants was her maker-in-law covered in what looked like…fruit sauce? She sniffed delicately as Claude waved his hand lazily and a small washcloth dropped onto Godric’s head. He smirked, his nimble fingers gripping the terrycloth gently as he began sponging himself off.

“What-I mean, how…when…uh-”

“You sound so intelligent, cousin dearest.” Claude sneered as his eyes rolled. “If you’re wondering how I came to be involved with this lovely vampire then I have a spectacular story to tell you! You see, he came in one night-”

Sookie squeaked again as Claude stood, probably to pace dramatically as was his habit. However, that action brought into sharp focus the previously covered naked bits that Sookie had no desire to see. Eric growled as he cradled her head gently and Godric bit back a smile.

“Now children, calm down. There’s no reason this can’t be solved amicably.” Sookie snorted inelegantly and Eric’s lips pursed to hold back a grin.

“There’s also no reason that you should be at my house, defiling my car with my wife’s fairy cousin, is there Godric?”

His maker’s lips quirked. “You are correct, min son, and I do apologize. My primary residence is being renovated currently and Claude’s sister brought home a…” He turned to his paramor. “-what did you call it again?”

“Booty call.” Claude supplied helpfully as Sookie groaned in frustration.

“Okaaaaaay. Well, Eric how about we just fly? That sound good? Okay, well bye guys! Clean up after yourselves!” Sookie rushed her words as she grabbed Eric and tugged him outside. Eric laughed as he let her tug him along, though he paused in the doorway to shoot a serious glare over his shoulder.

“Seriously. Clean the fuck up.” His nose wrinkled in distaste. “Assholes.”

The laughter of an ancient vampire and a mischievous fairy chased them into the darkness before the door shut behind them.

Without a word, Eric swept his wife into his arms and shot upwards, streaking toward the stars. Sookie shrieked in delight, the stress of the past twenty minutes dissipating with every passing moment as they rode through the air. The wind whipped through their hair as it tangled together in a shimmering blonde wave behind them and their whispered endearments were lost to the depths of the night.

“Alright.” Sookie glanced up at Eric’s face as he spoke. “Now, close your eyes.”

She obeyed without question, something he was entirely too delighted with. It took him ages to elicit that amount of trust from her and there was nothing anyone could do to make him break that.

He slowly lowered them toward the treeline, weaving through the branches until his feet touched gently on the soft ground. Eric lowered his wife by his side, making sure to keep his hand on her hip as he guided her forward. He assessed the area and smiled; his child had indeed outdone herself. And he’d have to thank Sookie’s relatives since they’d been particularly instrumental in this surprise.

“Are we going to stand here all night or can I open my eyes yet?” He smirked as she sassed him.

“You can open your eyes in a moment, Lover. Take a deep breath and calm your emotions. Feel the air around you.”

Sookie took a few measured breath, holding each one for a few seconds before she exhaled. Her skin prickled and goosebumps popped out as a chill swept over her. She felt…tingly, was the only word she could think of to describe it. It felt like the first time she’d laid eyes on Eric and every wonderful moment after, all rolled into one. Her stomach knotted and seemed to almost drop with an air of anticipation as she fought to keep her eyes closed.

She felt a whisper of a breath against her ear as her husband pressed himself against her back. “Open your eyes, Lover.”

Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes opened to the most spectacular sight she’d ever seen.

The air shimmered and morphed, the light bending elegantly as she gazed through it into…she had no idea where it was, but it was gorgeous. Sookie stepped forward, pulled by an unseen force, marveling at the beauty before her. Eric kept pace, glancing down to see the look of wonder painted onto her beautiful face.

This was what he’d wanted, the pure unadulterated joy on her face as she took in every minute detail of the wonderland he’d managed to create.

“Wha-I mean, where…what is this?”

Her impossibly blue eyes swung toward him as they stepped over the boundary and into their sanctuary. “This, Lover, is ours. I may have had a little help in the creation and execution, but the idea was all mine.”

Her small hands tentatively reached up to cup his cheeks and Eric nuzzled into her palms, relishing in the feelings emanating through the bond. “It’s-it’s daytime! You’re so beautiful in the sunlight.” Her eyes misted over with the emotions swirling chaotically through her. “Why? And how the hell did you convince…whichever fairy you did into helping you? I mean, they’re not your biggest fans.”

He chuckled as he tugged her gently toward the small pond situated near the portal. The small basket and blanket folded neatly was exactly where he’d instructed it to be; he sent a slight caress through his bond with Pam to convey his thanks.

He let go of Sookie’s hand long enough to spread the blanket on the plush grass and then gathered her into his arms. He sank down and settled her gently into his lap before reaching for the basket, reaching inside and drawing out various plastic containers. He set them down and opened each as Sookie looked on in awe.

“I still can’t believe…I mean, where even are we?!?”

“This is our place. It has no name. Niall procured a very ancient and rare volume that detailed how to…essentially he took the essence of the love I hold for you to create this small paradise. I don’t have a clue how exactly he did it, so please don’t ask.” His smile was wide and open as she stared at his handsome face, marveling at the lengths he’d go through for her.

“And, why now? Today is nothing special.”

Eric’s eyebrow rose and he held out a chocolate truffle that smelled faintly of bourbon. He paused a moment while Sookie closed her lips over his fingers, enjoying the wet heat of her mouth before she pulled away to chew.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten lover! This is one of my favorite anniversaries!”

Sookie’s eyes showed a hint of panic as she chewed faster, trying to empty her mouth. Her thoughts raced through every significant date she could think of and she still had no idea what anniversary this could possibly be.

Eric’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he held another morsel of something chocolate out to her. “Are you sure you have no idea, Lover? I’m really disappointed that you don’t remember.”

His full lip pouted out dramatically and Sookie rolled her eyes good naturedly. She swallowed thickly, the chocolate coating her mouth in a luscious taste that Eric took full advantage of. His hand tangled in her hair as his tongue assaulted her mouth and she sighed into the kiss.

Regretfully, he pulled away a moment later, an expectant smirk painted on his face as Sookie continued to rack her brain.

A few morsels later and she’d given up, huffing as she leaned back to survey her stubborn ass of a husband.

“I give up! Just tell me already!”

Eric chuckled again, pulling her tight to his body as he banded his arms around her. “On this day exactly seven years ago was the first time you slapped me, Lover.”

Sookie’s mouth dropped open and her brain ground to a halt as she thought over the events of that fateful night. Her small body wiggled it’s way out of Eric’s grasp before she spun, sitting on her knees as she slapped at him spastically and giggled uncontrollably.

“You. Absolute. ASS! I thought that I really forgot about something serious! I can’t believe you did all this for such a stupid reason!”

Eric laughed loudly as he tackled her backward, gently cradling her head as he settled himself over her. He ground his already hard cock into her center and she moaned. “Au contraire, Lover! This was a completely serious anniversary present. As you can see, even the memory gets me hard. You are just so fiesty!”

The sun descended in the sky as their cries rose and fell. The stars blinked into existence as they kept watch over the beautifully distracted lovers.

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